See what I did there?

It's not called "America's Next Top Best Friend."

Might start a Tumblr called “Mama Bear’s Bitchface.”

Anonymous said: Is your twitter bio a reference to Go Ask Alice and, if so, will you marry me?

It is, and YES, but only if you can find me six wonderful, delicious, mouth-watering, delectable, heavenly french fries.

Well played, my friend.

Well played, my friend.

This is my finest hour.

1. You were born in 1980. LOL!!!

2. You were born in 1981.

3. You were born in 1982.

4. You were born in 1983. Win.

5. You were born in 1984.

7. You were born in 1985.

8. You were born in 1986.

9. You were born in 1987. OMG!

10. You were born in 1988.

11. You were born in 1989.

12. Trapper Keeperssssssss amiright?

Goodnight, everybody

me: EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE
a play in NO ACTS
GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP
that's the only stage direction
Alex: hahahaha
but it's fiiiiyuuuunnnnn though!
me: alex will we ever be content
check box yes or no
Alex: oh my god hillary
i read that
as the noun not the adjective
Alex: and my knee jerk reaction
was "yes"

1: No hate reading and no Twitter make Hillary... something something.
2: Use Tumblr?
1: Don't mind if I do!!!!

I HAVE REACHED MY PEAK.

I HAVE REACHED MY PEAK.

I am for sure not always the world’s most diligent copy editor — but this is ridiculous.

I am for sure not always the world’s most diligent copy editor — but this is ridiculous.

This is uncanny.

This is uncanny.